Delusions of Time
In the future, my life is always spacious. I have all the time to do what I’ve planned. And believe me, I make plans.
Then the future comes and suddenly it looks a lot like the present I had been planning from: already so full that I never get to most of my to-do list.
Last spring I decided to blog for a year starting on my 50th birthday. I imagined that I’d have plenty of time to do that once I’d stopped working and became a full-time writer. And I've missed my first deadline. But, you see, our friend Dan is dying, and I started classes at Berkeley City College, and our daughter Kalin is moving out of the house, and friends are visiting and, and, and…Well, LIFE. There is always life.
Amazing things came from my decision to start writing a novel for my 40th birthday. It wasn’t an easy or straightforward path to get YELLOW CROCUS into the world. I missed a lot of self-imposed deadlines. But I muddled through and now I’m a full time artist—well, except for the rest of my rich and full life :)
So I’m sticking with my decision to blog each week, though I’m starting a week (or is it two?) late. I always want there to be LIFE in the midst of my life. So I’ll make my plans, deluded that I’ll have all the time in the world in my mythical future, and I’ll muddle through in the reality of now.